5 days in the maternity ward (法国生产记之住院)

We stayed in the maternity ward for 5 days. I don't know why, but I was sad to leave the day we got discharged.

I chose the same clinic as I had good memories from my first delivery. The team (doctors/midwives/nurses) was very professional and provided good advises. The foods tasted yummy but I could be biased since breastfeeding made me hungry all the times. I had breakfast around 7am, lunch at 12pm, snack at 4pm and dinner around 6pm.

My typical breakfast. I ordered hot milk but they gave me hot chocolate instead. They only corrected the mistake during the last day of my stay.

Lunch. It was amazing, I didn't have the feeling of being full anymore. For my first delivery, I actually ate the hospital food plus confinement food my aunt prepared.

Every day the midwife came to see me and gave me painkiller. I didn't really need it because I didn't feel too painfull, just uncomfortable. I was told that Jun, July and August are peak months for delivery so all the staffs were overwhelmed. I had a different midwife everyday and I felt that they were in rush everytimes. Nurses came to check on the baby everyday too. There was one that I adored, she gave me plenty of advises. She told me that I can let the baby cry as long as she is fed and her diaper is clean.

I prefer to have plenty of rest so only close family came to visit me. Aelig came everyday and accepted well that I had to stay in the clinic with the baby. She was proud to be big sister.

We had to learn how to bath a baby and all that jazz again. Frankly, I forgot some of the details, but it just came back after several practices.

This time around the nurses proposed to take care of the baby in the nursery room during the night (They didn't propose me when Aelig was born and I didn't ask). For three nights they came to fetch the baby then sent her back three to four hours later for nursing. It was heaven as I could sleep for several hours straight without a crying baby beside.

I felt that my recovery from the birth was slower this time. It was very uncomfortable to move around. The first few days I felt dizzy after standing up, I didn't have this problem last time. One nurse told me that was normal as some of the organs were displayed during the pregnancy, it takes time for them to get back to their original position. Another new experience for me was the painful uterus contraction. One night after sending the baby to the nursing room, I was hoping for a good night sleep. I was waken up by a sharp pain from my stomach and couldn't sleep for the whole night. The doctor told me that it was uterus contraction, that women with more than one delivery will feel it stronger compare to the first one. The sharp pain came from time to time and I had to take a stronger form of painkiller to ease the pain.

I was happy and relief to have the single bedroom. It was important for me to be able to rest without being disturbed. It costed 70€ a day and it was fully paid by the insurance.

Baby diaper changing area.

Private bathroom attached to the room.

Once the baby was gaining enough weight, we asked to be discharged. We had to get approval from the pediatrician and my gynecologist. My gynecologist actually came to see me the fourth day while I was taking my breakfast, so she said she would pass by again the morning after. She came again at 8am but I was sleeping (after a long night fight with the baby), so she left. I went to see her after being discharged as her clinic was located at the same area.

As for the baby, she cried a lot during the stay, hubby came to help me out everyday. Anyway, we were happy to bring her home!

Hairdressing at home

Isn't it nice to have your hair done at the comfort of your own house? I heard about freelance hairdressing several years ago but have never tried it myself. Ok, I'm not talking about those under the table services but rather a legal professional hairdressing services.

We were having vacation in my in laws' house, and my MIL had an appointment with her hairdresser, at her own home. She suggested to trim Aelig's hairs. Her appointment would last for 2.5 hours and it would have 20 minutes break in between her treatment. I figured I could also use a haircut.

The hairdresser arrived on time. She started with mixing some colors for hair dying. Oh my I didn't know dying hair would take so much time. Anyway she managed to trim my hair and Aelig's during the break.

Charges : 58€ for hair dying, 11€ for trimming Aelig's hair. Free for me (she explained that she was using the break time so she didn't want to charge me).

Love the service and the reasonable fee.

Free calls to Malaysian land-lines and cellphones from France

Finally, my turn!

I know, our internet provider Free Telecom has offered free calls to cellphones in USA and China since long time ago, but Malaysia was not in the list.

Now Malaysia is included! Yes, I can call both land-lines (can do so since long time ago) and cellphones (beginning probably since July 4, 2014) for FREE!

Countries that are enjoying this free service include USA, Canada, Hawaii, China, Macao, Hong Kong, South Korea, Malaysia and many more.

For the complete list please refer to:
http://www.free.fr/adsl/telephone.html

Bad eating habits?

Even since Aelig was a baby, she follows the French eating habits : a meal every 4 hours. Basically, she has her breakfast around 8am, lunch around 12pm, snack around 4pm then dinner around 8pm. This is very different from my own habits as I can eat anytime anywhere. French parents in general discourage nibbling between meals. This is stated in Pamela Druckerman's Bébé Day by Day : 100 keys to French parenting. Pamela is an American journalist who currently lives in Paris, raising three kids. She observed and wrote some parenting books about how French raise their kids. Her books were translated into other languages including Mandarin, and they have been a bit in the parenting world.

Anyway, seeing that I eat all the times, she quickly asks to do the same. When she comes back from school, around 6:30pm, she would tell me that she is hungry. I consider that fruits are no harm and could be consumed at anytime, so I prepared a fruit basket so she can help herself whenever she wants.

One day she asked her dad's permission for a banana before dinner but it was refused. She then came to see me and I overruled her dad. This caused some tension between me and hubby. During dinner she didn't eat much and hubby blamed this on the banana she ate earlier. True, if she hasn't eaten that banana, she might have taken more food. But, I considered fruit as part of the meal and provided the same good nutrition.

On another occasion, Aelig was hungry and asked to eat between meal again. This time hubby gave her some bread. He told me that bread is allowed and it is the way it is. True, he eats bread at anytime. Now, the question is why nibbling on bread is ok while savoring fruit is not ok?

We have not come to any conclusion about this. I agreed that I need to stop Aelig from eating all those biscuits I bought (I miss salty biscuits as breakfast as French breakfast are usually sweet). I still think eating fruit between meal is ok but if she eats fruit and bread between meal then it would be too much.

There are many conflicting studies about eating. Some say eating frequently with smaller portion is better for the body, some say we should not eat between meals. Some indicate we should eat fruits at the beginning of a meal instead of having it as dessert. Asian don't have habit to eat bread during meal but French do it all the times. At the end, it really depends on each individual.

Caught and fined

I have heard various people hinting that they never pay while using the public transport in my city. Passengers are supposed to flash their transport card or punch their ticket once they step into the bus or tramway, or these days you can flash your cellphone where the tickets stored. However, some try their luck, they just climb up without paying.

One day hubby needed my car so I headed to an appointment with both girls in public transport. The tickets can last for one hour, on the way back, by the time we descended the tramway, the time was up, but I still had to take a bus which lasted only 5 minutes. Should I punch another ticket for myself and Aelig? I decided not to since it was just a short distance.

We just settled down in the bus, and we saw the man sitting in front of us getting off, but without success, as the door was shut. He looked very uneasy and sat back where he was. Aelig asked me why this man came back, I was at the point telling her a possible explanation, while three bus officers stood in front of us and asked me for my tickets. We didn't see them climbing up the bus because we sat opposite the driving direction.

No, they didn't fine me for the 5 minutes over the valid usage time, how nice of them. But, the man in front of us got caught. He said frankly that he didn't have any ticket on him. That costed him 46€. He didn't look sorry, but more feeling unlucky that he got caught.

I thought I would feel that he deserved it, but I was actually sympathy with him. His face expression made me felt sorry for what had happened, as if he just paid all he got on the fine. Poor him.

They don't drink water

My family in Malaysia emphasis a lot in drinking water. Since the weather is hot and humid there, we need to make sure we drink enough to keep ourselves hydrated. By drinking water I mean pure lukewarm water, not soda or fruit juices. Kids bring their own bottle to school. Some adults have a bottle in the car. The water has to be boiled or filtered before drinking though.

Things are very different in France. I know of some people who do not drink pure water. They drink coffees, tea, soft drinks, juices or wines. And they insist that these are sufficient. Some also think that lukewarm water is not healthy for the body, so they drink cold water.

I didn't know that we could get by water. In my city we could drink water directly from the tap, so it is easy and convenient. In cities where it is not advisable to drink directly from the tap, people buy mineral water, they are quite cheap in general.

Here is a bottle of water provided by the maternity ward, targeting at new mother. I got one everyday (1.5L).

She will be retired at 42 in France, and us?

One day a friend told me that one of her acquaintances will be retired next year, when she turns 42 years old. I was like, how is it possible? She is only several years older than me, but she will be retiring next year, whereas for me in 30 years?

Well, retirement is a sensitive topic in France, so my friend is not going to ask this person how does she manage to get off so early, but instead we analyse the situation and come out with three facts that would entitle her to early retirement:

1. Working in one of the x-government control companies (eg SNCF, France Telecom, EDF, La Poste...). These companies used to own by the government and since then have been privatized, but the government still own important shares and controls in them. They have one common point : good benefits for their employees such as earlier retirement than other public and private companies.

2. She has three kids. During my MIL's time, each kid entitles the women to get off 2 years earlier for retirement. So having three kids entitles her to get off 6 years earlier, and the fact that she works with x-government own company may amplifier this entitlement.

3. She used to work in the nuclear industry. Since it is considered as high risk industry, each trimester she worked may account for more, for example 1 trimester = 1 year.

We don't know if our analysis are close to the reality, but just to point out that retirement is not always a fair game in France. It really depends on which company, which industry and which benefit package you are enjoying. I once read a Brit's blog, he started working in France in his 40s, so he said by the time he retires, he would be working for 20++ years in France, and the fact that he needs to work 40++ years to get full retirement, he will eventually get nothing. Yes, the more working trimesters you owe, the more percentage your pension gets deducted.

The national motto of France is Freedom, Equality and Brotherhood. Sometimes I wonder which equality are we talking about. Equality for the poor? The rich? Or just for certain group of people?

Crow's beak 乌鸦嘴

I'm usually not superstitious but there is one thing I do believe is the existence of crow's beak in Chinese culture, equivalent to jinx in English.

Crow's beak, or  乌鸦嘴 in Mandarin refers to someone who says something bad and that bad thing would happen, or in my case, someone who says nice thing about something, but thing turns out bad.

I remember my mother told me a scene when my sister was born. She was a crying baby, she cried so much that everyone was so tired of her cries. One day, unexpectedly, she was quiet and just played peacefully in her sarong cradle. Someone came and commented : "Look at her, she doesn't cry today, she is such a nice girl!" And that ended the peaceful moment. She was even crankier than before.

I have told hubby many times about this superstitious. Of course he doesn't believe it. He continues to make comment about how nice Aelig behaves or how nice things turn out. I usually keep my mouth shut. Sometimes things turned out bad but sometimes not.

The first few days when Awena was in the maternity ward, he made those kind of comments again.
"Look, she sleeps the whole day! She is a lot easier than Aelig!"
"See, she is sleeping again!"
"Ah, we hardly hear her!" Then he proceeded to pick up the baby as when he was there she was sleeping most of the time.

I sealed my lips and didn't want to response. It sounded stupid, but if you had baby like Aelig, you would wish to not repeat the same sleeping drama for your second kid.

So how does Awena turn out?
Starting from the second or third night she was a crying baby.
The first night she was home, she slept in our room. Husband's reply the second morning after my question of how was your night : hell.
Yes, she has set up her own rule : no nipple = no sleeping at night. The second day she was home I thought about giving up breastfeeding.
Sometimes I just let her cry after making sure that she is fed, her diaper is clean, she burped. She could cry from her hung for a good 30 minutes.

So, don't blame me if I don't praise your kids or just shut up when you ask me how my kids behave. I would prefer to look stupid than extending the sleeping deprived phase.

Her first school kermesse

Last year, we were in Malaysia when the school's annual Kermesse was held. Kermesse is a yearly fun raising event which involves students performing on the stage and some stands to provide food and games to kids and parents. Hubby reiterated that Kermesse is an event that every kid loves and he has such a good memories on them from his childhood. So basically, missing it is a big no no.

Kids from every grade had had training since March with a dancing teacher. Aelig looked forward to Monday when they had their weekly rehearsal. 

This year they dressed as little cat. Photo shows Aelig and her playmate. She was showing her playmate where hubby was standing.

She really likes this boy. They are in the same group so they sit around the same table every school day. They kiss on the mouth every morning they meet. She mentions him a million time at home.

Since Kermesse is a fund raising event, the school sold us coupon, which we were happily sold to her grandparents. We then used the coupon to buy foods and drinks and entrance to games (sponsored by parents & stands handled by volunteers). Photo shows both grandparents were busy taking photos of Aelig.

It could have been a real fun event but it was raining throughout the whole afternoon. Some dancing involved sitting and rolling on the stage, so students had to alter some dances to prevent themselves from getting wet or falling down. It was also the first public outing for Awena to crowded place, the whole time being tied to a scalf against hubby's chest.

Challenges during my second pregnancy

I didn't announce my second pregnancy publicly because it was a more complicated one, with some challenges along the way.

Getting pregnant:
We know we would like to have another kid. I went to see my doctor to get ready for my second pregnancy. I had to first take some medicine to regularize my menstrual cycle. At one point, I was blocked mentally as I was afraid that by having second kid we would neglect Aelig. She couldn't stand me holding a baby, so I knew she was not ready. And then I was transferred back to my city, I told myself that it was not a good time to get pregnant since I only got into the team. By the time I was ready job wise, Aelig gave us green light for a brother or a sister. I thought we could finally go on full speed but once again it was put off since my doctor insisted that I got vaccinated against chicken pox before hand. That took 4 months. Then I was diagnosed with cervix polyps which led to long menstrual bleeding. An operation was scheduled but I got pregnant right before it. Basically, we tried on and off during two years.  I still remember having those low moments in the toilets after taking pregnancy test with negative results shown.

First trimester:
The day I got the double stripes on the pregnancy kit, I couldn't believe it. Each month before taking the test, I thought the moment would come, but when it did come, my feelings went numb. I put the kit on hubby's desk, when he saw it, he asked me what was it. We concluded that we shouldn't be too happy about it until the first ultrasound.

So we held on to the joy, but still feel obligated to inform our family.

Photo shows hubby teaching his parents what does "a bun in the oven" mean in English. He put a bun in the oven, everyone gathered in the kitchen, then his parents checked online the meaning. They were thrilled of course.

During the first ultrasound in December 2013 (13 weeks), we finally met the baby. It looked real this time. So did the monthly urine and blood test and all that jazz as I was not immunized against Toxoplasmosis. By the way, testing for Toxoplasmosis was mandatory in France, but not in Malaysia as Malaysians do not eat as much raw foods as French. We informed some friends but I still feel unease. I was very confident on my first pregnancy but not this one. I felt that I could lose it anytime. The nausea was less severe though.

Then I got challenged by the gestational diabetes. Me? Diabetes? I was in shock as I'm not someone with sweet tooth. If you let me choose between a fruit and a cake, I would choose fruit anytime. Mentally, I couldn't accept that I have diabetes. I had to prick myself 6 times per day to check my glucose level, during Christmas. That continued for a week, my glucose level was too high after some meals, so the dietitian asked me to continue for another week. I was in tears. The pricking eventually lasted throughout the whole pregnancy.

My glucose monitor kit.

Second trimester:
Moving into the second trimester, my diabetes was under control with some adjustments to my diet. No more sushi and raw food to prevent having Toxoplasmosis virus.

But then we got hit by another challenge: baby's gallbladder (vésicule biliaire) was not visible during the second ultrasound (22 weeks). One week later I went back for another ultrasound and it was still not visible. At that point, we got panic as we didn't know what it really meant for someone to not have gallbladder. My OB instructed us to perform a blood test to analyse if me and hubby carry genetically disorder of cystic fibrosis (mucoviscidose). Kids with this disease do not live long. I spent hours searching on internet about it. Two weeks later we got the result : both were negative. The sonologist told us not to worry, it happened to some babies that gallbladder not visible during pre-natal ultrasound but visible during post-natal ultrasound. My OB also consoled us that some people got their gallbladder removed and they live without problem.

Third trimester:
Gallbladder still not visible during the last ultrasound (32 weeks).
Gestational diabetes lost control. My body couldn't even digest the French baguette (contains gluten). I called my dietitian to know if I have to go through induction as my OB stated that it would be too dangerous for the baby to stay in. We decided to observe for another week, I only ate food that I could digest well. The glucose level was back to under control, we voted against induction, but the baby popped out earlier than the due date anyway. Sleeping wise, it was difficult to sleep with the huge stomach, and I was snoring like hell.

Pre-natal maternity leaves:
In France, for the second kid,  it is recommended to take 6 weeks of pre-natal maternity leaves before the baby arrives. It is possible to push it to 3 weeks before birth and add the 3 weeks pre-natal to the 10 weeks post-natal leaves. I opted for this, but job wise my boss had pushed me to transfer all my tasks to my coworkers. His concern being that I would leave earlier due to unforeseen circumstances. So starting from April, I was on support mode so I got bored. My OB has wanted me to stop working as she sensed that I was tired (I was not and I loved my job). With the boredom at work, my OB suggestion that I could take off anytime, I decided to be on pre-natal maternity leaves 7 weeks before my due date (6 weeks of pre-natal + 4 days of pathology leaves). I have to say that I did enjoy those quiet moments.

Post-natal follow up:
Gallbladder ultrasound was performed after the baby is born. Yes, she has one, but relatively small.
I was afraid that my diabetes would affect the baby in anyway. The nurse took her sugar level 3 times before feeding (from her feet), then 24 hours, 36 hours and 48 hours (from her back palm) after she is born. For the last test, they took the blood sample for lab analysis, and everything went well. I was so glad to hear that my diabetes has no impact on my baby.

It was a tough pregnancy with many issues to worry about. We are glad that all those are over and the baby is healthy. That's the most important.

The Speedy Delivery Process

I know second labor tend to be faster than the first one, but I thought it would still take two to three hours. Instead, we were at the hospital around 12:25 am, and the baby was born around 30 minutes later. Yeah, I didn't expect a speedy delivery process like this! Aelig was born after 15 hours of labor!

A week before the labor, my OB told me that I was already 2cm diluted, but she didn't know when the baby would arrive, she even prescribed me the regular urine test on 20th of June. So, I thought I still have time.

Friday night, I had my first contraction around 10:40 pm. I didn't pay much attention until I noticed that it was regular, like every six minutes. I told hubby, we decided to wait for one hour to make sure it was not a false alarm. I thought the contractions would ease away, just like what happened for my first pregnancy. But it persisted, by the time we left home, it was so painful that I had to stop walking.

We were in the car at 12 am sharp. We sent Aelig to a friend's house, then rush to the clinic. When I entered the delivery room, the contractions became so unbearable that I didn't even manage to take off my clothes. The midwife instructed me to go directly to the delivery bed, at that moment I sensed a splash of water leaked out. Oh, my water just broke! The midwife quickly checked on me and announced that I was fully dilated at 10 cm, so no time for epidural. Oh no, I was hoping to have epidural right away to ease the pain.

I was on panic mood. I never expected that I have to deliver without epidural. The midwife told me that the harder I push, the quicker the pain will be over. She asked me to push right away while she was preparing for the delivery. At that point, I can really feel the contractions, there were so much pain that I felt I can't handle it. The delivery team consisted of the midwife, a doctor and a nurse. They urged me to start pushing right away. They repeated several times that I'm the only one that could make the suffering stops as they can't help me. I tried hard but it was not enough. I couldn't concentrate, my body was fighting the pain, instead of using it. I had several successful pushes but each time I stopped to take my breath but the team kept asking me to continue. I told hubby I can't do it and I was screaming out of my lung. I even asked him to help me. The doctor was tough on me, he asked me to cooperate seriously as there was no kidding anymore. I did try but I think I failed. I had not enough breath for continue pushes.

After 25 minutes of pushing, the doctor decided to use a spatula to guide the baby out. He did that because the baby's heart beat was deteriorating. I thought I could relax when the baby was out, but the whole sewing process was killing me. It lasted forever and the midwife kept pressing my stomach. I had never had so much pain in my life. Because of my failure in pushing, my perineum was severely torn.

Every labor is different, now I know. I don't know if I would prefer the first delivery experience, but for sure I need a break.

Here the proud hubby presenting his daughter : Awena. She is in good health, I think that's the most important after all.

His father's day gifts

Hubby received two father's day gifts this year.

Just like Mother's day, Aelig's school taught the class to prepare a craft work, and wrapped it with gift paper. She handed the craft and a poem to hubby on Friday after school. 

And God sent hubby his long awaited gift : his second daughter. Born on Saturday after a short labor. Hubby is really proud of his girls.

Giant Grandma in Nantes

Last weekend the Royal de luxe, the French mechanical marionette street performing art company is back in Nantes. 

This year they created a new member : a giant grandma with her affectious smile.

The event lasted for three days. The weather was coperating so it attracted a large crowd.

She moved very slowly as each movement was coordinated by real humans. Sometimes she had to avoid power lines or trees so the coordinators had to bench down her wheel chair or her body.

It was a nice weekend to go out in family to enjoy the weather. In fact, we went out everyday from Saturday to Monday (Public Holiday).

From Mother's Day to Parenting thoughts

Mother's Day 2014

Last Sunday was Mother's Day in France. I was not really expecting anything from Aelig, but her school did teach her to make a gift for me. It was wrapped in gift paper. She couldn't hold it but gave it to me on Friday right after her school. At home, she was going to open the gift but was stopped by hubby.

Hubby : My love, when Santa gives you presents, who opens them?

Aelig: Me. 

Hubby : So now you are giving this to mummy, who should open the gift then?

Aelig: Me (without hesitation).

In laughing, hubby taught her the rule : You can open the gift but only if the people who receives the gift give you her/his consent. Ok?

Aelig looked at me, I nodded, then she tore off the gift wrap.

She was very proud to present me her drawing : Sun, hubby, a bird, our apartment with windows and a door, a flower, a raining cloud (top), herself and me. These are her current drawing style.

A poem from her school about mother. Thank you my girl.

Parenting Thoughts

A terrible incident happend last Wednesday in Taiwan which led me to think about the parents' role in a kid's life. A 21 years old University student killed 4 people and wounded 23 passengers inside a Subway train in Taipei. During interview, he said that he wanted to kill himself, but was too afraid to do so. Instead, he tried to kill as many people as possible, so that he would receive a death penalty.

There were many comments and critics regarding this tragedy. His parents first stated that he has shamed the whole family, later they went to the Subway station and publicly apologized. What shocked me the most was that some people think his parents should be held responsible for his act. 

I found this accusation heavy, I don't think parents should be responsible for their children's acts after they become adult. I would say that in the first 10 years of a kid's life, parents have the most important influence over he/she, but later on, friends, surroundings and the society play a more crucial role.

Influence from parents

Just to give an example. My MIL was convinced that parents play a huge role in instilling reading as a hobby for their children. I would say it is true in certain ways. If parents love reading and encourage kids to read, most likely they will love reading, but until certain age. Later on, it depends on who they hang up with. I take myself as example, my parents had never bought me any storybook during my childhood. There was no bedtime storytelling. I turned out being a bookworm since primary schools. I would save money then used all of them to buy books during book exhibitions in my school. I have to contributed this to my school's effort in encouraging their students to read. There was storybook corner in my classrooms. Our library was modern and had huge collections. Some of my classmates loved reading so we just exchanged books among ourselves. 

Unlike me, Aelig has probably around 100 storybooks in three languages at age 4. She loves reading but I don't know if this would become her lifetime hobby. That day she decided to take photos on her books. As for hubby, he used to read but now I'm not sure if he reads a book per year.

Influence from society and friends
In France, the society has become more and more aware of alcohol abuse and smoking issue among the young. I watched a documentary just last week, where young kids partied the whole night and drunk several liters of hard alcohol per person, and some ended up in the hospital. Partying with hard liquor on Thursdays and weekends has become a norm among Universities students. Young teenagers smoke right in front of their school buildings. These are somehow tolerated by the society. Every weekend you see drunk students wondering in down-towns. Police would increase their patrol to make sure no one is hurt, hospitals would anticipate more patients being brought in. Many parents were shocked that their kids smoke or became alcoholic.

In my schools in Malaysia, if you smoke, you get a warning and after three warnings, you could get expelled. Since uniform is mandatory with school logo and name tag, if you smoke in front of the school or in public places, anybody could call up the school and inform the Principal of your acts. As for alcohol, the society discourages it especially for young kids. It is strictly prohibited in our University compound. We rented an apartment and shared with 12 students during our University life, but we had never organized a drinking party because nobody actually drink alcohol or think that party should be associated with alcohol. Most of my friends started to pick up alcohol after they went to the workforce. There are of course alcohol abuse among students (mostly in private colleges & Universities), but this act is criticized by the society.

So growing up in Malaysia and surrounded by friends who didn't take alcohol, I was not used to partying in France. Almost every party I participated in my earlier years here ended up with people gotten drunk with disturbing behaviors. It seems that party without alcohol = boring. All I want to say is that when we grow older, we are being influenced mostly by the surroundings than our parents. For me, the parents in the Taiwanese incident do not have to apologize for what their son did.

Just that day my daughter was telling me that she didn't want to wear skirt because her classmate commented that she always wears skirt. I told her that you don't have to care about what people say, just wear skirt if it is what you like. But she insisted of wearing pants. So here you go, even a 4-year old has peer pressure.

Taxes : Are we slaving for the French government?

Today is the last day to fill the 2013 income tax. Talking about taxes, we realized that we are basically slaving for the government. Just see how much taxes we are paying:

1. Salaries
Looking at my payslip, every month the government is directly sucking around 25% of my salary, and my company has to pay an extra 50% for all the social charges imposed. Let's say I'm earning 1000€ a month, I will have only 750€ in my bank account, and the government is getting 250€ from me + 500€ from my company = 750€. So basically, for each working citizenship, the government is taking half of what he or she costs/earns into its pocket. The percentage may varies depending on which income group you are from.

And this is not the end, you still need to file for income tax, so once again one part of your salary is gone.

2. Beside salary, one might have other source of incomes, like interest rate from saving or investment, rental, inheritance...which the government also wants to have a hand on it.

3. Property (taxes foncières) and local taxes (tax d'habitation)
We have an apartment, so we have to pay property taxes each year.
And whether you own or rent, you will have to pay local taxes based on the size of your apartment / house / studio. This includes an annual fee if you own a TV.

4. Sales taxes (TVA)
With your net income, you are going to spend it on food, petrol, leisure, all type of bills...
Well, you have to pay sales taxes on them. Sale tax on food is around 5.5% if not mistaken, for other items it has increased to 20% starting from 2014. So, just imagine for whatever you are buying, you are paying 20% to the government. Since we are thinking to build a house, the TVA sums up to a gigantic amount which is quite scary.

5. Transaction costs
Buying and selling a property involves transaction costs that we have to pay to the government. For example, to buy a piece of land, we have to pay the government around 7% of the price. This is not all, since the local government has to build access roads linking to the new residential area, we have to pay another taxes once the house is built.

There might be other ways that the government is taking money from us, but these are what I could think of at the moment. My conclusion : the government is trying hard to take money from us. The first three income sources for the government are sales taxes, income taxes and company taxes. Unfortunately, what it gets from the people is still not enough to cover all the expenses, which resulted in budget deficits. In order to cover the deficits, it has to borrow, so part of the expenses are to pay interest rates on debts.

I don't know if this is fair to have to pay so much taxes, as on the other hand we have good social benefits. Some of them are too good that it simply costs too much to maintain, for example healthcare, retirements, free tertiary educations. Many reforms are needed but when you have the best, it is hard to accept a downgrade.

Now I understand why some people prefer to not have salary increment. The more you earn, the more taxes you have to pay and besides, you might not be eligible anymore to certain social benefits (ie childcare, housing allowance...)

When Chinese is easier than French

I have to admit that I don't pay much attention to Aelig's progress at school.

Actually I don't know how to. At the beginning of school terms, I wanted to know what she was going to learn this school year. All I got was a list on a paper saying that she would learn how to express herself in speaking and writing, nothing in detail. There is no text book nor syllabus. We just need to provide several empty exercise books and the teacher will glue printed paper with her work on it. We only got to know what she actually did at school the last day before a school break when all the exercise books are passed back.
Hubby would take time to browse through these exercises, praise her when she did well, practice with her on her weak areas.

One day while browsing through all the exercise books, my MIL teased us that we didn't even sign a feedback book where the teacher graded her on different aspect of her works. Only then we discovered that there was a mid term evolution and we had to sign on a page. Her teacher put a number of smiley to represent how satisfy she was in each area: counting from 1 - 20, writing her own name, finishing a puzzle by herself, able to answer a question after a story telling... Overall she was doing ok but very weak in public speaking, and not able to tell what day it was, not able to distinguish morning and evening.

Well, she knows how to say what day it is in Mandarin, but not in French. This is simply because in Mandarin it is so much easier, it literally means day one (Monday), day two (Tuesday), day three (Wednesday)...so she knows after day three (Wednesday) it will be day four (Thursday). Whereas in French, everyday is a new word, she knows a few but still doesn't get the sequence right.

Days during a week in English / Mandarin / French:
Monday = 星期一 = Lundi
Tuesday = 星期二 = Mardi
Wednesday = 星期三 = Mercredi
Thursday = 星期西 = Jeudi
Friday = 星期五 = Vendredi
Saturday = 星期六 = Samedi
Sunday = 星期日/天 = Dimanche

I think she still hasn't figured out how to memorize these in French. She chose the easier way by telling me that Wednesday = trois (three in French), it seems that she wanted to apply the same system from Mandarin to French. She was also telling me one day that she and her wolf friends are using a different system: it would be day 1, day 2, day 3 until day 9, then it would restart again at day 1. That's how it works in her wonderland with all her imaginary friends. I told her that it was not how it works for human and it was certainly not her to decide.

Anyway, I think she likes to question the existing system and try to apply the easier way out, which is probably a good thing. But still, she would need to know that every language has created it's own system / logic which she has to accept.

A 7€ mango

学无止境 : There is no end to learning .

Years after in France, I still get myself into trouble because I didn't know the meaning of certain words, certain situations...

One day I saw some fruits being displayed at the entrance of a shop. My fruit supply was running low so I decided to step into the shop and look around. Besides fruits, it was selling cheeses, canned foods, local products. A woman was buying two mangos and a bunch of fruits. I looked at the price for a cucumber, 1.50€, and I thought it was quite reasonable. Without hesitation, I asked for a mango and went to the paying counter. The bill came out to be 8.50€. I was shocked but proceeded to pay. What the hell, I just bought a 7€ mango!

I got home and told hubby that I got cheated again. He looked at the receipt and pointed to me the words that explained all : "Epicerie fine". This kind of shops sell luxury groceries. Luxury grocery store? Located in the same area as a low cost grocery store? I didn't really understand, but I know I would not step into one in the future.

We were supposed to be away to visit family so I brought the mango and the story with me. Everyone had a good laugh. I secretly hope that the mango would taste heavenly, but no, it was just an ordinarily mango, it was not even organic. Hubby bought a 1.50€ mango the second day and according to him, his mango tasted better than mine. But there is still one question lingering in my mind : why would people shop at this kind of store when the product qualities are not superior to a normal one?

A house : Light at the end of the tunnel or still in an impasse?

In a relationship we always have to compromise. Hubby and I managed to find one on many things even though we come from completely different cultural backgrounds, but there is one thing that has been blocked for the longest time : finding a land to build our future house. There are two main reasons that push us into an impasse on this issue:

Location : Countryside vs suburban

Hubby wanted to live in the countryside, the ideal situation would be to live in a piece of big land, with his neighbor being cows and lambs. That seemed scary to me. I'm not a city girl but I simply couldn't foresee myself living in area surround by no one, especially during winter. What happens if hubby is not around and I'm left with kids, then something bad happened? Beside, living in a countryside means that we have to commute long hours to work, facing traffic jams everyday. I couldn't stand that idea either. What if my kid is sick at school and I have to rush back immediately? And, I hope my children would be able to play with kids in the neighborhood. Eventually I set my limit : no more than 30 minutes travel to work per way; the house has to be surrounded by neighbors. Hubby also set his limits: the land couldn't be less than certain meter squares; it needs to have exposition to the South so that it will have the maximum sunlight; there should be enough space between our house and the neighbors to have some privacy. 

Urban planning restrictions

In France every community has their own set of urban planning rules. For example, in some communities no flat roof is allowed. Hubby wants his house to have a center patio, so most likely the house won't have pitched roof as required by certain communities. We visited several lands, and had to give up because pitched roof was mandatory. Due to this rule we have to exclude a lot of areas, and each time we saw a land that was situated in a new community, we have to check if they accept flat roof / patio. Besides, lands in the city suburban areas have become scarce, the common trends these days are to sell smaller lands, while preserving agriculture lands or natural lands. In rare occasion when we did find one that was big enough, it cost an arm and a leg. 

Over the years, we must have visited over 20 - 30 piece of lands. We did find some that suited our requirements. We felt in love with the very first one we visited, but the whole project was put on hold due to many reasons. We were ready to move to another city for a land that fitted into our budget and requirements, but the community didn't allow a flat roof or center patio. At one point I finally lifted one of my limits, the land situated 45 minutes from my office, and I kind of like the idea of being neighbors with a bunch of cows, while still able to walk my daughter to school. But after verifying with the neighbors, the land was flooded from time to time. Then you have the perfect land but it was situated closed to a highway (too noisy); or close to a high voltage power line (might incur health issues). I was so discouraged that I completely gave up on searching land for years. It didn't help when I heard people buying houses within 1 month of searching, it sounded so easy! Why do we want to build a house instead of buying one then? I know of nobody in Malaysia building their own house. Then I remember, it is hubby's dream of building a house with patio. When it comes to realizing a dream, as a spouse, I could only give my support, I suppose?

Then one day I saw a piece of land close to where we live now, with the size that hubby wanted. He wasn't keen on it as it stretched our budget too far that we simply couldn't afford it. He kept on searching land on his own, and came back to this land. This time he felt that we could probably make it, but I had doubt, so it was on hold again. But then we keep seeing the land, and realized that it might be the right one : I'm 99% happy for the location, he is ok for the size. I'm satisfied as it is located in a new residential area which will be surrounded by houses, he is excited because houses built in the area came with different shape and roof. The only problem is PRICE!

We decided to try it out. We were so disappointed that somebody had put an option on it (reserved the right to buy the land but nothing was signed). We were patient, and managed to put an option on it weeks later. I was elated, so I immediately asked my FIL to draw us a house plan. We went researching on forums on all the construction related issues. I was overwhelmed, hubby was stressed out. Starting from 2013 new houses have to be complied with RT2012, rules that require a green energy installed in the house and good insulation. When the house is built, someone would come to control if the house meets the requirements. With this rule, houses cost around 15% more. We got a quotation from a builder, the masonry work already costed 3 times more than what my BIL had paid. Obviously we are discouraged.

Now the big question : Do we give up the project and go back to square one or we go ahead and reserve the land?

Food : How we show our love differently

Got inspiration to write this post after reading a blog. It was about a father kept giving fish meat to his son even though he himself loves fish. His wife told him to keep some for himself, he replied : " As long as my wife and my son are happy with their food and eat well, I'm a happy man."

This is so typical in my family. Growing up, whenever my mother prepared chicken, me and my brother, the two youngest in the family, would each get a drumstick (considered the best chicken part). Other siblings would share other good parts, my mother would finish the rest. When eating fish, children get the meat, my parents would clean the rest. I don't know if other siblings complained about not getting drumstick, everyone seemed to get used to it. Now that we are adults, we understand that this is a way of showing love to kids. Now the parents are being served the good parts.

Things are handled quite differently in my in laws family. Kids do not always get the good part, but they try to be fair as much as they can. Imagine my shock seeing my FIL quickly grabbed the last tomato and served it to him and his wife, while their children and me would just fill with what was left into our sandwiches. While eating shrimps or oysters, they would divide them by the number of person then place them directly in our plates. My FIL would always make sure that the tarts / cakes are cut equally before serving them. Over the years, I understand that they have to do this if not their kids would complain who's who got to eat a bigger tart / shrimps. And apparently the kids ate like a pig, they finished everything so the parents have to save some for themselves.

No one method is better than the other, it is simply the way you brought up. Now with my daughter, naturally I apply my family method. She can get whatever she likes from my plate. The other day, we were being served different kind of dessert, she chose an apple tart, but she also loved the strawberries in my tart. So I gave her all, she was happy, I was happy. One day I bought a box of strawberry, she finished everything by herself. It was not a problem for me, but hubby was not happy as he wanted some too. I realized that there is a problem, because she doesn't think about sharing, so from there on I make share she leaves some for others. As for hubby, he wasn't the guy that would give very slice of beef in a bowl of beef noodle soup to his girlfriend like some Malaysian guys would do, but now he would share some food that I like from his plate. I don't know how my daughter is going to turn out, as I'm showing her that I love her so I will give her the best part of foods; while her daddy is more like I love you so I would make sure everything is shared equally with you.

10 days in France - Impression on French cuisine

My friend was in France for about 10 days (Lyon & Paris) and these were her impressions / comments about France. This post focuses on French cuisine.

During her training in Lyon, she was invited to taste variety of French foods and wine in different restaurants. She got to discover the three meal courses culture (appetizer, main meal, dessert) and the long dining time. Some of her comments:
Why do French people eat bread at every meal?
I thought French food was presented in big plate but in small portion. But each time I had too much. Once I got a dessert that came with three balls stuffed with chocolate, I thought it was to be shared but gosh it was only for me, how can everyone finish everything?

And then we had this discussion about chicken breast vs drumsticks & wings. In Malaysia people in general prefer drumsticks & wings but in France, chicken breasts are more expensive than drumsticks & wings. Once she got a piece of chicken breast and both her and her coworker couldn't finish it as they didn't like the way it was cooked.

She also discovered the different operating hours of some restaurants in France. We reserved a table in a restaurant in Paris, and we were told that they only open at 8pm. I kind of gotten used to it, but she was very surprised and commented that most restaurants in Malaysia would have already going through several servings at this time. I told her that this is not the worst, at least in Paris some restaurants are open on Sundays, in my city, during Sundays we usually will eat at home as most of the restaurants are closed. Some even closed on Mondays.

Anyway, after more discussions, with another Malaysian joining in, we concluded that French cuisine are in general much more healthier than Malaysian foods, but in terms of taste they are less strong. My friend and me missed deep fried & spicy foods. So she actually asked for Tabasco each time she ate French food. I'm someone who needs fresh fruit everyday so after a day of French food I badly need something refreshing. We were walking around Champs-Elysees and I saw in Quick a small pack of fruit salad was sold at 5€. Don't you have vendors selling freshly cut fruits at very cheap price here, my friend asked me. No. And worst it was Sunday, so Monoprix was closed. We walked and walked and I asked around where in the Champs-Elysees area I can buy fresh fruits. People we asked didn't know. While walking towards Eiffel Tower I finally spotted a shop deep down into a small street selling fruits. What a relief!

Our Malaysian friend brought us to the Jewish area and let us try the falafel sandwich. It suited us very well as we love fried food, and in falafel it has fried chick pea balls plus lots of vegetables, and with chili sauce!!